Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
