we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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