I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
