where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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