It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
