Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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