bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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