i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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