No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
