So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
