I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
