When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
