all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Blood and glitter go together right?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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