I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
