you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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