Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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