Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
