Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
