If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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