dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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