Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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