My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
