I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
