Christians are straight up FREAKS
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
