What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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