I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
