I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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