Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
