worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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