Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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