You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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