I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
