I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
