She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
