you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
