Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
