Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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