"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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