I think I won the penis lottery.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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