I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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