Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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