you mean i was at the winter classic?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
