I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
