Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
