So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
