so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
