Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
