It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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