You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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