Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
