You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize