im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
