Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
