I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
