can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
