Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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