I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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