I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
