I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize