Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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