She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
