just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
